How To Be A Good Submissive In A BDSM Relationship

What is a submissive?

“In human sexual behavior, a submissive is one who enjoys having any of a variety of BDSM practices performed upon them by a “Dominant”; or one who holds a submissive position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (Ds or D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for submission or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. A submissive is also referred to as a ‘sub’, where the dominant in a D/s relationship is the ‘Dom.’

In a broader context, a submissive is one who needs to give most or all authority over his or her life to a dominant, who will protect, guide, and nourish the submissive. Such a D/s relationship need not include other BDSM practices, and is not necessarily limited to sexual behavior. 

Offers to submit may be either passive, as in yielding or surrendering, or active, as in gifting or offering, just as the common verb can be either yielding to, or presenting to another.” Citation: Phsycology.Fandom.com

Relinquish Control

Once you understand your true place in a D/s relationship, you understand the level of control that you relinquish. It is control that you willingly relinquish on a number of levels, willingly and happily for any number of reasons, and only with your consent. Some may want to feel the safety and security of someone else being in control of every decision in their life so that no worries ever cross their mind. Others may want to be put in their place and reminded in a corporal or verbal way that they are far below the female superiority, no matter how hard they may try.

Niche

Once you have committed to a Domme/sub relationship and understand the agreements between each other, you no longer decide the areas of your life you agreed on. You are at the disposal of your Queen and her entertainment, and in return you are rewarded with the pleasure of serving her and receiving your personal pleasure. Some of you are in to sensual domination, others into humiliation. There are niches to fit every fetish you can imagine, so even if you think your niche is “too strange” to approach me with, it’s not. So long as it doesn’t involve some basic common sense things like aminals littles or unaliveness we probably can figure something out.

Research

When deciding to serve a Domme/Dom, you want to do your research to know who they are and if they fit into the type of sessions you are seeking. One may provide in-person sessions while others are available online, whether it be via live cam or custom video orders. Each have their own benefits and each have their own guidelines to follow to make sure everyone gets the most fun out of this glorious platform that we have on the internet (while we’re still free to have it!). Many have websites that you can find, but you already follow them on social media and their profiles usually have their preferred points of contacts in them. Don’t be that person that asks the same exact questions that they’ve taken the time to answer already in their bios and profiles so that way you can both value each others time. Taking the time to read what they’ve written to see ahead of time if you might be a good match will tell them right off the bat that you are a step ahead of the rest in our inboxes.

Tribute

Once you’ve figured out what kind of submission you want to experience, find the Domme/Dom you want to find your session with and offer a tribute for their time. Showing up demanding their time for free is often times a turnoff, no matter if they tolerate it or not. Value them and they will value you. Once you have been accepted as their submissive, always be honest, loyal and true.

Talk To Me

As a Dominant of over a decade that started out in the strip clubs of Los Angeles, the opportunities were endless. Guys buying panties and fishnets fresh off my body as I ran to the dressing room to strip them off for $50- $100 a pop blew my mind but opened it at the same time to an entirely new revenue of income that allowed me to enter the dungeons and experience D/s relationships. It was natural. It was a matching puzzle piece in my life. It allowed me to dance with the line without ever crossing any line in the sand I had drawn that I was comfortable with. That is what we all can do. So, talk to me. Ask your questions. See how you can do this too, always staying comfortable. Check out my article on The Top 7 Chastity Cages For BDSM next to begin some interesting research into some new toys!

  1. What is a submissive?
  2. Relinquish Control
  3. Niche
  4. Research
  5. Tribute
  6. Talk To Me

3 comments

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