You’ve Talked To Me my kinksters, so here’s the latest!
- Research The Domme You Pick
- Understand RACK
- But Where Do We Actually Look?
- How Do You Avoid Scammers
- In Closing…
As a Domme that has been around the adult industry for 13 years I’ve encountered all types of people approaching me in all sorts of ways about serving under me. From the fakes that simply want to serve their own interests, the rude that are insulting and demanding, to those that have no idea what they’re getting into and say “I have no limits!” There’s the good, the bad and the ugly in how to approach a Domme, but there are ways to avoid the typical faux pas that make us cringe the hardest and potentially get you eliminated before you get a chance. I’m going to give you some very simple ways below to help you get the most out of your experience in seeking out and hopefully finding the right Domme for you.
Research The Domme You Pick
We all know men are visual creatures. You see the Goddess/Mistress/Domme that you visualize as the one of your dreams and you can’t help but immediately message her and ask to serve at her feet. You are probably one of dozens that have sent her that exact same message with absolutely nothing else in it, there is nothing that makes you stand out. Offering your body to “do with as she wants” means nothing to her, again that is something that most have said to them. Research them. Find their website and see if they have their requirements for a submissive already listed there. See what their interests and niches are to see if the two of you match up. Now when you go to approach your chosen dominant you can do so confidently and with an arsenal of information to use when writing to them about your wish to serve.
What is RACK? It is Risk- Awareness Consensual Kink. Can you name the risks? Are you both able to affirm your consent to each other? Do you understand exactly what event/activity is about to take place? The reason I include this as such an important thing is because I have so many people approach me saying, “I have no limits! Do anything you want to me, I submit my body to you.” The first thing I think is that they are ok with me instructing them to pull out their own fingernails and something to do with tabasco sauce, rock salt and a dildo. The moment you say you have no limits we know that you aren’t serious and really aren’t in this for actual submission, it’s an automatic red flag. Know yourself. Even if you don’t know where your limits are, state that. It’s better to submit yourself as a new sub that wants to be trained and understands what it is going to take versus someone not taking this seriously like we do.
But Where Do We Actually Look?
Doing an online search can bring up a lot of intimidating and potentially scary links that lead you to a plethora of places that may be too overwhelming for just about anyone. Knowing how to search and what to put in to get back the results you want will help you out so much. Are you looking for in person or online? What niche are you into, foot worship, humiliation, sissy training, etc? If you need to figure any of these questions out, start on social media to search the different types of things available to you out there. Once you do that, you can narrow down your searches. In person searches can start with “foot fetish, dominatrix, los angeles” to find local Dommes and dungeons in your area along with their websites and rates. Scroll through the websites and read them thoroughly to find if they have exactly what you are searching for in the experience you want. Online searches could start with “ass worship, mistress, Skype” or, if you’ve already found their website with their submission form, submit their form completed in full. In any case, when searching, being specific about what you want is an important factor that will help you narrow your search from thousands of results to more of what you are looking for.
How Do You Avoid Scammers
Yes, there are scammers everywhere. They can be easy to spot so long as you are paying attention and not just thinking with your hormones. InstaDommes pop up every day and enjoy taking easy money from people looking for a Domme experience without following through. Sometimes they pretend to be someone famous, other times they crawl into a subs direct messages to instigate the transaction, in any case they create a false sense of trust. A few ways to spot fakes is to simply look at their profile. Do they have a new account with a low follower count but they are following thousands of people? Suspect. Do they have a website or any links to clips sites, stores or other social media sites that are verified? Another suspicious thing to be wary of. Are they reaching out to you out of the blue demanding you become their submissive? Yeah, red flag. Look for their experience, almost like a resume, it will tell you a lot about who they are.
It’s natural to be nervous or even want to be impulsive when seeking out the person of your fantasies to fulfill your desires. Doing a little bit of research will not only increase your chances of getting that opportunity with the person of your choice but also help you avoid some potentially embarrassing situations and misunderstandings. Respect what the Domme’s requirements are and don’t try to sidestep them for any reason. They don’t make exceptions, especially for someone that hasn’t done anything to deserve special treatment. The more prepared you come, the more likely you are to make a good impression with them and the more likely you are to enjoy it fully so go on with your kinky self and find that Domme of your dreams! Once you have, go on over to my entry about How To Be A Good Submissive In A BDSM Relationship and learn more…
Stay Kinky and Talk To Me! ~Divine Goddess EveB